Should I stay or should I go – This is one of the most daunting questions people struggles with getting the perfect answer. Making a decision in this situation is very critical. There are certain things to consider before making up your mind. Remember every human being makes endless decisions in a day from what to wear to work, what to eat on breakfast, means of transport to use to go to work, what to wear to a certain event and so forth.
However, there are choices that can get more complicated and overwhelming to a person depending on their personality and other factors. For example, should you stay in a job that caters for your finances quite well but drains your humanity? Or should you choose to stay with a partner you cherish but you quarrel almost every minute? Which is more important/ or rather, what can’t you survive without between these two?
Truth be told, no one can fail to testify that at some point in their lives, they have found themselves in the situations of wondering if they should stay or go. The following tips should help you to make the right decision in life:
1. Do what you expect others to do to you
It is also important to take some time and try to see yourself as the way your partner sees you. What did you find out? Did you like whatever it was? Caring for your partner’s feeling can make you reconsider some of your choices. Before you walk out, consider engaging yourself in either a couples’ or marriage counseling, individual therapy or even both of them and see how it turns out.
Basically, if someone asked you if you have tried to be the change you are looking for and you said yes, then this is enough to enable you to make a choice. A relationship should actually enhance your life. The best way to begin a relationship through that one ultimate goal of enhancing each other’s life. Although challenges may be experienced over time, putting them at bay will mean that you won’t feel diminished.
These are things that fuel frustrations and resentments putting down any strong relationship if nothing is done on time. In other words, negativity in your relationship will shift your energy to criticizing each other quite often and quickly. Blaming each other in a relationship is quite obvious whereas when they have a sweet or simply positive feeling towards their significant other, they result in keeping it to themselves. However, if you only come out and presented your best self, if your partner is there for you, then that is what they will do as well.
2. Don’t make your decision in fear
A lot of people fear the consequences of the decision they just made. That is one reason that makes critical choices to be avoided. When it comes to marriage, things get a little bit tough. A marriage can stay intact due to the fear of singlehood, children concerns or even financial consequences that may be experienced as a result of divorce. Furthermore, a strained relationship is often ruinous since it actually imprisons the future vitality of that relationship. When two people who were previously in love experience resentment and anger for a long time end up staying in a relationship without expecting a better tomorrow and as a result, they are just together due to fear and lack of need to try to work things out.
When you are really busy worrying about the consequences of your actions, you should also contemplate the consequences of your inactions because that is a possibility as well. To be in a clearer place, make sure you work through your limiting fears and that will enable you to make the perfect decision.
3. Don’t be controlled by anger
Anger is not a good companion during decision making moments and you should try as much as possible to refrain from it at all costs. Your anger may feel justifiable but did you know beneath that anger lies other deeper emotions such as fear, sadness or even pain? It is important to try and get in touch with your more vulnerable feelings inside you.
Trying to express them to your partner is a risk with rewarding benefits. In fact, what feels vulnerable is not being as many may perceive. A couple can erect a barrier to true emotional intimacy if they keep on defending against their feelings and this is a destroyer to any relationship. Most couples will agree that if they decide to share their vulnerable sides, a lot is revealed on both sides. This is where their true self is revealed. A loving and caring partner will definitely listen but if they just turn a deaf ear and walk out, maybe it is your high time you reconsider your choices.
4. Create room for some emotions
During those moments that you are expected to make a major decision allowing some emotions will do no harm. This means that you will also allow yourself to go with what you feel rather than what you are thinking alone. It turns out that a little emotion is perfect to make your own best decision. Remember your emotions will definitely drive the decisions you make today and your success may as well depend on that particular decision. The ability to understand and interpret your emotions will be a great deal to informing you if a situation is optimal or not aligned with your goal. Ideally, emotions are designed to respond to your decision making reasons.
5. Test the waters
When you are required to make a tough decision, you can sometimes try and test the outcome of either staying or leaving. Come to think of it, if you want to resign from that overwhelming but well-paying job you can pretend that all other jobs in the universe are even worse. So, if you choose to stick with this one, how would that feel? Relieved, resentment or something else? Alternatively, pretend that now you have been terminated from employment and now you have to look for another job. The feelings you get are enough to help you make an informed choice.
Should you stay in an unhappy marriage?
The fact that 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce is alarming and most probably you are affected in one way or another. Have you ever asked yourself this question? The answer to this question can never be specific because every marriage’s situation is different. However, there are general factors you should put into consideration before you make up your mind.
Every couple gets married believing that five, ten or even twenty years down the line they will be celebrating their union. Most couples are determined with hope and enthusiasm that theirs will be the marriage that lasts. The truth of the matter is that marriage is difficult in ways that few are actually prepared for.
There is no guidebook or a roadmap that can perfect the marriage journey either. While some couples somehow manage to navigate the rough patches, other couples get stuck and end up feeling so frustrated and end up feeling so frustrated and miserable that they even consider divorce. Some couples don’t know if there is hope for their marriage or not. Divorce is a personal decision and you are the only one who knows what you really want. This is just a guide to help you make an informed choice. If you are experiencing challenges in your marriage or you know someone who is, these tips will help in answering this question.
a) Determine your choice
A troubled marriage is like a war zone. Consider finding out what is causing all these and if you lay your hands on anything, bring it into the light. You and your spouse should be ready to brainstorm on all of the potential options on how to move forward. Your options should be based on your faith, abilities and most importantly, the interest of the whole family.
b) Visualize the outcome of each option
Find out what will be the consequences of either the decision of staying or leaving. Will the children suffer in your absence? How will your daughter react? Will you and your spouse be miserable / are you ready to face the society as a divorcee? Is it worth it? These are just some of the difficult questions that you should put into consideration. They might look tough, but they are real and they have to be accounted for in the best way possible.
c) Have you sought quality help?
If you are seeing a therapist and things are not going as you would want them to, that does not necessarily mean that it is time you go and end your marriage. If you strongly feel that your marriage is worth fighting for, then why not? Stay back and do just that. Not unless you are running for your dear life, staying and fighting for your marriage is a brave thing to do, it is far much better than going and regretting later.
If your current therapist is not helping, then try to look for another therapist to work with before you call it quits. No particular time should you allow a therapist to be the one to decide that your marriage is beyond help. Always remember that even the most skilled and experienced marriage therapists cannot just step in and fix your marriage. It is not that simple. Your efforts and commitment are badly needed on your part as well.
d) Could any of you be setting the bar too high?
This doesn’t mean that you should settle for bad treatment at all but putting the expectations too high will not help either. Trying to compare your spouse or your marriage with other marriages will not solve your problems. Knowing that your spouse is special in their own way is the key. Although love doesn’t heal everything, knowing that your partner loves you can make you overlook other shortcomings.
The bottom line
It is obvious that making a decision is not easy. This is partially because you cannot predict the future and human beings operate with limited information. Sometimes it looks like if you stay you will have more troubles and if you go things will turn out to be well. Although this happens in several cases, it is not obvious and there are times they just turn out to be the direct opposite. In whatever decision you make remember to ask yourself if you would expect the same of others. Put your justifications into consideration. Finally, make your list of pros and cons and then go with your gut. Most probably, you will come to your best decision in whichever solution you are looking for.
Finally
A bit of fun and entertainment, The Clash Should I stay or should I go song and lyrics:
Should I stay or should I go lyrics
Darling, you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that you are mine
I’ll be here till the end of time
So you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
It’s always tease, tease, tease
You’re happy when I’m on my knees
One day it’s fine and next it’s black
So if you want me off your back
Well, come on and let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go, there will be trouble
And if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know
This indecision’s bugging me
Esta indecision me molesta
If you don’t want me, set me free
Si no me quieres, librame
Exactly whom I’m supposed to be
Dime que tengo que ser
Don’t you know which clothes even fit me?
¿Sabes que ropa me queda?
Come on and let me know
Pero me tienes que decir
Should I cool it or should I blow?
¿Me debo ir o quedarme?
Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go, there will be trouble
And if I stay it will be double
So you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go, there will be trouble
And if I stay it will be double
So you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
